Category: Navel Gazing

“Come to see victory/ In the land called Fantasy”

Apparently, I just can’t seem to get enough of the Ithaca League of Women Rollers and watching home bouts. I drove to an away bout last night to watch the Sufferjets play the Utica Roller Girls.


I’ve been engrossed in my share of sporting events, but I just don’t know what it is about roller derby.  Yeah, yeah, I know–it all has to do with prurient fantasies brought on by watching women play rough with each other, right?  Sure, being a straight male, I’m certainly not above anything like that.  I’m comfortable admitting the possibility that I’m just a slimeball.  But that’s not it.

After all, the point of having a fantasy is sitting back and imagining yourself being engaged with the object(s) of your fantasy, right?  But do I have slimeball thoughts about these ladies?  Despite basic biological tendencies, not really.  Between being taken, being of advanced age, and knowing that my deteriorating eskrima skills would be of little use against a roller-girl beatdown–those are enough to keep those types of fantasies in check.

I hear you scoffing, “You are so full of shit!” like Jack Lemon to Kevin Spacey in Glengarry Glen Ross.  But hear me out.

I’m thinking back to the John Waters quote on discipline from his “10 Best Pieces of Advice for Functional Freaks.”  Especially the bit about how…

Discipline is not anal compulsion; it’s a lifestyle that breeds power.

I think that’s the real object of my fantasy where roller derby folks are concerned.  Any derby organization consists of folks busting their asses to do something out of pure love.  I’m not just talking about the skaters putting in hours-upon-hours into training, either.  They and the whole gaggle of folks behind them–volunteers who officiate, run the merch tables, run the scoreboard, &c.–put in a crapton of work to put a season of bouts together, to say nothing about the service projects they do.

I’ve watched these bouts over the past couple of years and I realized that their power isn’t in the fact that they skate and whoop ass at the same time.  Their power is in their willingness to do whatever they have to do in order to get to skate and whoop ass, and do it for the love.  That’s a little difficult for me to get my head around.

Sure, I love to write.  But while I may not have any expectations about making enough money off it to quit my dayjob, I also love the fact that the one piece I got into the McSweeney’s website still gives me some juice with other writers five years later.  And that folks seem to like my writing enough to publish it and sometimes, pay me for it. I am not one of those writers who go, “Oh, I’d do this even if I never got published.” 

The point is, it’s inspiring to watch a group of people can put in so much work into something other than their own self-aggrandizement.  The least I can do with that inspiration is to get back on my horse and keep putting in my time in the ‘shed, despite the writing troubles I’ve been bitching about lately.  I’ve got upcoming story deadlines, stories that need revision, and rejected pieces to resubmit. Not to mention, a conference to prepare for.

And I’m getting to all that right now. Well, after I look at the pics I took one last time…

Functional Freakiness

I made a small effort toward getting back in the writing saddle after my weekend adventures. I confess, I haven’t had much luck. This is how I’ve been feeling for nigh on two weeks…

Reading between the lines of those blog entries, you can probably detect a tinge of guilt.  It was fed, in part, by this quote I’d read (and posted to my tumblr) from filmmaker John Waters in his “10 Best Pieces of Advice for Functional Freaks.”

I’m a fascist about my work habits and I expect you to be, too. Never have a spontaneous moment in your life again. If you’re going to have a hangover, it should be scheduled on your calendar months in advance. Rigid enjoyment of planning can get you high. Militant time-management will enable you to ignore how maladjusted you would be if you had the time to notice it in the first place. Discipline is not anal compulsion; it’s a lifestyle that breeds power.


I may have reasons for my lack of discipline and productivity since the end of the academic year, but no real excuses. At least none that my Inner Drill Sergeant would accept, especially with the amount of rejections I’ve received lately.

I think it’s time for Gunny to come back out and square me away.

Now, between that John Waters quote and Gunny up there, a lot of you are probably fearing for my sanity. But if you’re not familiar with the flims of John Waters, here’s a sample of his mindset. This is a little something he did for some indie movie theaters that I remember seeing in high school.

There may not be much difference between Waters’ and Gunny’s attitude toward work, but if someone who works as hard as Gunny can produce the stuff what Waters does, then you know what? I want to be a functional freak.

“Everybody needs a little time away…” Part III

I took one final day yesterday to relax from the stresses of life, the dayjob, and my writing. I know what most writers say about needing to write every single day and the thing is, I agree 100%. It’s just that I’ve come to the realization that I can’t do it.  I should, and I should keep working toward that.  But if I treat writing like another job, then like any other job, I need a break.

Yesterday was the third and final day of the annual summer festival. Whereas Saturday was sunny and hot, almost to the point where I was worried about heat stroke, Sunday was gray, drizzling at times, and about 20 degrees cooler. I thought all I needed was a thicker polo shirt, but I was wrong. Still, some hot chocolate warmed me up enough to enjoy what I saw: People dancing to a circle of drummers, folks doing Yoga in the cold, and a local group of bagpipers which includes a sci-fi writer who is a frequent contributor to Analog as well as Asimov’s Science Fiction and other places.

If nothing else, I’ve got a third day’s worth of potential character sketches, here. 

Now, I’m getting slowly back on the wagon. I’m finally getting the first draft of my story for Rigor Amortis together, building it around the skeleton of an unrelated flash fiction I wrote about 6 or 8 months ago. I figure if Carol Emshwiller can include “Acceptance Speech” and “Report to the Men’s Club” in the same collection, then I can make a story “the same, but different” than one I’ve previously written (not that I’m 1/10th of the writer she is, but still).

“Everybody needs a little time away…” Part II

It’s actually taken a lot for me to realize just how much I needed a break from this year of hell at the dayjob, even after an extra-long long holiday weekend.  My writing suffered.  I’m not talking about how much I haven’t been writing lately, but the fact that I was convinced that somehow I could get it done if I’d just whipped myself a little harder.  But I think I was, literally, beating a dead horse.

So, I went for another day of frolicking in the sun at the annual summer festival, the one time and place in the year when I don’t mind running into coworkers.

And again, the best part is that this batch of photos is ripe with character ideas!  I’ve already begged off critique group tomorrow to go to the festival’s last day.

“Everybody needs a little time away…”

As if my “wrojo” (i.e. “writing mojo” — brought to you by Regan) wasn’t low enough, there’s been so much more to distract me this past week. There’s been an upsurge in work in my dayjob capacity as the Special Projects Bitch. To unwind, I’ve been taking advantage of the nice weather conciding with my town’s annual summer festival. But hey, sometimes you need some time off from writing and to recharge. And it’s only recently that loafing is only a small part of recharging. The other part, at least for me, is being charged with something–in this case, the energy that drew me to live here in the first place.

Traditionally, the festival starts off with a Thursday night parade.

My favorite part of the parade was the Ithaca League of Women Rollers and their Chia Skate float!

The best part is, there’s at least a half-dozen character ideas in just these photographs.

More to come, as I’ve just spent most of my Saturday. And I plan to spend some of my Sunday, as well.

“Signed, sealed, delivered/ I’m yours”

The contract is signed and in the mail, and the editors announced it, and so I will, too. My story “Combat Stress Reaction” will appear in the Gadgets and Artifacts issue of Crossed Genres on June 1st, along with work from Wendy Wagner, Daniel José Older, Michael Underwood, and Timothy Murphy.

I have nine other pieces currently in circulation, so at least I know I won’t be going 0 for 10, whatever else happens.  I just know that it’s been too long since I signed a story contract and now that daddy’s had another taste, daddy wants more!

Sunday Brain Dump

1
Last night, I went to the season opener double-header for the Ithaca League of Women Rollers, i.e. our two local derby teams, the SufferJets and the Bluestockings.  Great bout!!  A comment was made by one of the announcers, giving me an idea for a short story.

2
Came up with another idea for a short story a couple of days ago.  I think it’s a killer idea.  I don’t have a character in mind for it.  Which means, I don’t have any scenes in mind.  It’s frustrating, because until I come up with one or the other, the idea’s useless to me.

3
I used to keep a monthly scorecard of my short-story submissions, but explaining why I didn’t submit any stories for a given month got old.  I got back on a submissions kick this month, putting out 5 previously rejected stories and 3 new ones.  I’ve already gotten 3 rejections back.  *sigh*

Gotta keep pushing!

4
It’s taken me two years for me to follow my own advice and start reading Ben Tanzer‘s book Most Likely You Go Your Way and I’ll Go Mine.  You know how it is.  You intend to order something that’s not available at your local bookstore, and you just put off doing it.  And then, it does appear at your local bookstore.

Yo, Ben — I started it and I’m liking what I’m reading so far.  Sorry it took me so long!

Ben Tanzer, Most Likely You Go Your Way And I'll Go Mine

5
This is part of a push on my part to read more novels in 2010.  How else am I ever going to learn to write one…?

6
It has its flaws (which I understand are soon to be remedied), but I’m still in love with mint.com.  It’s given me something I’ve needed for a long time, namely a way of GTD-ing my money management.

7
I cannot tell you how much I’m enjoying the 2010 series of Doctor Who.  I wasn’t up in arms about David Tennant leaving the role, because I’d learned my lesson.  I remember ranting in 2005, “What do you mean Christopher Eccleston’s leaving?”  I had no idea how good Tennant was going to be.  Well, I looked forward to Matt Smith’s performance, and so far, so good.  And I admit that he rocks the tweed jacket better than I do.

Not only that, but so far the new head-writer/producer Steven Moffat has delivered, too, AFAIC.  The BBC made the right choice, giving the show to the writer whose episodes have won Hugo awards.  No, the episodes haven’t been perfect but I’m very, very impressed with what he’s done with the show’s tone.  Everything people say about the fairy-tale/fantasy tone is all true.  The first two episodes, especially, seemed like a sci-fi version of Pan’s Labyrinth.  The only to make them better would be to have had them directed by Guillermo Del Toro.

8
I really need to do something about my home office.  I’m fighting the clutter lately, and losing.  The trouble is, the only solution is hard for me to face.  I need a new desk with more tabletop real estate, which means taking the time and trouble to empty out and junk my old desk.  Dammit.

#

I think that’s it for now.

Practical Magic

Let me tell you something
I’ve met men in jail who had more style
than the people who hang around colleges
and go to poetry readings
They’re bloodsuckers who come to see
if the poet’s socks are dirty
or if he smells under the arms
Believe me I won’t disappoint em

-Raymond Carver, “You Don’t Know What Love Is (An Evening with Charles Bukowski)”

I did not to a poetry reading last Friday night, but I did go to a Paint Off–an annual fundraiser featuring local artists who had one hour to create artpiece which would be auctioned off to benefit a local summer festival.

I wasn’t the only one gawking at them and taking pictures, and I admit going with some romanticized delusion about watching a piece of art being conjured out of thin air from nothing but the Muse’s direction.  I’m willing to bet I wasn’t the only one doing that, either. Then I gave the matter a second’s thought and I finally realized that these weren’t “artistes” whose socks were dirty or who smell under the arms. They were artists who were working.

I saw people with their sleeves rolled up, sweating, scrambling, and getting their hands dirty.  I saw noses put to the grindstone. 


This is the real magic of art to me, whether it’s painting, sculpting, music–or even writing.  This is the level of professionalism I want to attain. 

This inspires me.

You?

One Good Turn, &c.

So, I may not be sure exactly where I fit into the whole social-writer-networking thing, but I at least know to return a compliment.  I’m a little late, but let me return a shout-out to Medeia, who gave me The Picasso Award last week.

The idea is to post seven truths about myself and invite others to do the same.  Now, in the interest of bandwidth conservation, I don’t like pressuring people into playing along.  But by all means, any and all comers are welcome to.

So, here goes.  But, caveat emptor: I share the same views on truth as Obi-Wan Kenobi.

  1. One of my mutant superpowers is the ability to hum along with the horn lines from any Chicago song on any Chicago album.
  2. If an object can cut a person, I can probably use it effectively as a weapon.
  3. I’m a caffeine abuser. Always have been.  And even though I struggle to moderate my use, I really don’t have any plans to cut it out completely.  
  4. While I like the idea of turning the other cheek, I don’t do it as much as I should. I treat my emotional and verbal battles like physical altercations, i.e. I counterattack while I’m defending myself.  In both cases, that response was developed after years of training.
  5. “Plan Z” (aka “My life plan if all else fails and falls apart”) is to take my trumpet and wander the earth like Caine in Kung-Fu, playing and finding adventure.
  6. It’s been too long since I’ve played a table-top role-playing game.
  7. My writing owes as much to jazz musician Chet Baker as it does to Raymond Carver.

Any questions?