Category: Work in Progress

One of my New Year’s Resolutions is to make this here blog more than reposted tweets. Here’s a start, the return of the play-by-play of my biweekly crucifixion session that is my critique group.

My current WIP has been a bitch and a half to write. I wrote my last story in two weeks (and it’s gotten one good personalized rejection so far). My trauma with this piece has gone on for over two months! I’ve rewritten the intro about five times, fleshed out characters before removing them completely, and removed scenes I really, really liked.

Finally, there was nothing left to do but bring it to the group last night.

It’s been so long since my last dissection. Let’s see if I remember how to do one of these.

The Good

• The usual positive comments, the story “intriguing,” the prose “smooth,” and the characters “well drawn out.”
• One member enjoyed how the main characters, a couple, argued “fairly.”
• One liked the “ordinary setting” of the story (a grocery store), going with what the group sees as my pattern of stories of ordinary people in extraordinary situations (Note to self: time to break the pattern, maybe?)

The Bad

• How many drafts of the fucking thing did I write/rewrite and still not catch “two-gallon milk jugs” instead of gallon jugs?
• Might be too much focus on the wrong details, esp. in some conversations between the main characters.
• “Cut page 4.” (Similar to John Rogers’ advice that “You Don’t Need pg. 11.”)
• I sort of (playfully) rip on a particular recording artist and her fans. Only two out of the eight readers in group got it.

The Ugly

• I’ve got the right POV character, but maybe not the narrative focus on the right character’s actions/plans.
• The kinda-sorta-maybe fantasy element I’ve got going–I’ve got to be clearer about it either way.

Those last two points are gonna take some fixing. My biggest worry, before I even brought the story to group, was that kinda-sorta-maybe fantasy element, which was really evidence of things I haven’t quite decided on yet.

Can I fix it in two weeks and have an ending by the next group session, so I can keep another New Year’s Resolution of writing one story a month in 2009?

Wow, it’s been awhile since I’ve done one of these! It’s been so long since I’ve written anything new, being so focused on revising and submitting. But, I managed to write and revise a new piece in two weeks, and still have it come out half-decent, at least according to the group…

• Story was called “fun”
• Character not a stereotype (a dancer turned soldier, trying to be a dancer again)
• Message of the story was delivered “gently”
• Good ending with a change in the character (or, an acceptance of that change on the character’s part)
• Story painted a picture of a future that was “right around the corner”

• Unclear at the outset that my protagonist was female
• Character didn’t seem feminine enough to one member; the occupational hazard of a male writing a female POV.
• The secondary character was introduced early, but wasn’t much of a character then.
• Some minor story points that raised too many questions and were better off eliminated
• Some “writerly” phrases better off eliminated, especially since they caused some confusion as to the setting.

The Ugly

• Too many plot questions raised about the sci-fi element in the story, which some members admitted weren’t necessarily central to the piece, although…
• Those questions raised philosophical questions about the business of artistry and humanity

And, I haven’t the first clue how to address that last issue… :(.

I submitted my last piece to group for the year. I’m not going to let any more unedited pieces pile up. I’m gonna finish them and spend the beginning of 2008 getting things back out into circulation.

In the meantime, here’s what they had to say about the latest thing, “Before Me Was a Pale Horse”…

The Good

• One person said the characters “leap off the page.”
• The same person noted that while she wasn’t at the last session to hear the first half of the story (though she heard my quick summation), she didn’t feel lost going through the second half.
• Dialogue was realistic, i.e. “what people would say.”
• One person liked how the narrator/protagonist was likeable, despite his obvious flaws.
• Folks felt they got a clear picture of each character with a minimum of description (e.g. one character who “waddled over in his khakied, polo-shirted Sunday best…” was all the description they needed)
• The story was paced well.

The Bad

• A certain unclear passage regarding one character’s spacial distance to another.
• The ending is too hitched to religion.
  (Which means I screwed up trying–if it was even possible to begin with–to use as many religious references as possible while minimizing religious themes.)
• Again, I mashed two stories into one (possibly three, depending on how one reads the ending).
• Some folks wondered if the protagonist paid too high a price for his flaws at the end. (Though one person didn’t necessarily see anything wrong with that.)

The Ugly
No ugly from the others; just from myself.

• For one, I had the unfortunate experience of re-reading a short story by pure happenstance, one that I first read about four years ago, with the same fucking conceit. I about tore up the MS. I didn’t, because by any measure, I know my story’s different. But if some schmendrick comes up to me and goes, “Gee, isn’t your story just a blatant rip-off of _____?” I think I’d have to give that a response without automatically smacking the person upside the head.
• The reason there were “two stories” was that as I wrote, I spotted a particular chink in my protag’s armor that was just too tempting to pass up…
• …but instead of jamming the knife in and twisting at the end, I got squeamish. I copped out and “implied” the ending.

So, basically this leaves me trying to figure out how to have my cake and eat it, too. I got some good suggestions from the group. I just gotta be careful not to allow them to “write it for me,” so to speak. None of them want that, either.

I’m considering a “radical” idea. I’ve got a couple of stories to work on finishing, so when the next crit group session comes, I’m not going to read. *Gasp!* That’s right, kids. I’m going to continue with “Masked,” and send it out to those folks who’ve agreed to read it. I might bring the rough draft of “The one with the warlock JuCo” (Yeah that’s a new one. I might put up a counter, but I’m not feeling it.) if too few people plan to read.

On the other hand, my original goal for that piece was to make it a flash piece…

As you can see from the progress bar (until I nuke it, that is), I’m 99% done with the first draft of “The one with the mask,” which is now officially titled “Masked” (until I change it). No, I’m really not just one word shy of finishing. Rather, I’ve written all the scenes that I know are part of the story and it’s just a matter of putting them together.

Unfortunately, I couldn’t do it in time for the last group session, as I promised. They didn’t seem to mind. They seemed more upset at the idea that I wasn’t going to bring the story back. I mean, it’d been six weeks already. Luckily, they were almost unanimously willing to individually look at a finished version once I got it together, which should be in a few days (I hope).

Here’s what they had to say…

The Good

• The portion I shared got the adrenaline running, it seemed.
• I snuck in a revised, condensed version of some of the stuff I shared last time. No one seemed to have a problem with it. In fact, one person noted that I effectively implemented the fixes that were suggested in the last session. Hey, reduce, reuse, and recycle, right?

The Bad

• I knew there’d be problems with the flashbacks sooner or later. I tried to stick with the rule about how to frame them grammatically in a story, but I floundered in places.
• I had a couple of longish sentences.
• There were a couple of minor plot points and details that could stand to be cut out.

The Ugly
How ugly could it have been when apparently it’s now the rule (as a joke!!) that I’m to read last so no one has to follow me? Okay, that was shameless of me to repeat that, but that’s what they said. No, for me the ugly part is that I just couldn’t get it all done. But, I’ve acquired a tool lately that will go a long way to removing some of the barriers to getting shit done that aren’t directly related to my will power.

Yes, I added about another thousand words to “The one with the mask.” But, the story’s still not done, I don’t think (which obviously means the MS isn’t finished). Alas, some of the pressure is off as the group is cancelled this week. But, this is opportunity–now, there’s absolutely no fucking excuse for not having a finished quality product ASAP.