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I wrote a sort of Halloween story to have something ready for group yesterday. I wasn’t going to read, for a second meeting in a row. I’d decided to spend the rest of the year editing my latest long piece, “Masked,” aka the thirty-page beast. But I just had to do something, otherwise I would’ve felt like mooching. So I came up with something called, “Before Me Was a Pale Horse.”

The Good

• Good build up–one person noted a pattern in which she’s never sure what my stories are exactly about until last moment.
• Smooth writing (“As usual,” they say)
• One person talked about the details I left out of settings, character descriptions, etc. and the fact that she still had a more or less complete picture of the characters and situations involved. (Looks like all that Hempel I’ve been reading has paid off.)
• Good dialogue, used to fill in those details I left out, and to sneak in some expository information.

The Bad

• Some of the readers in the group didn’t like the fact that they didn’t get all of the little Biblical references I snuck into the story. (Come to think of it, no one commented one way or the other on the title.) There were places I did it “right,” which is to say that I set the reference inside a sufficient context to make sense without any knowledge of Bible trivia.
• (On a related point, people even read things into certain passages, thinking they must have been Biblically related when they weren’t.
• A couple of folks wanted to know more about the protagonist sooner. (It’s a constant faux pas I make whenever I write something in first person, now that I think of it.)
• Due to some plain ol’ bad writing on my part (a fact I couldn’t explain because of our group’s crit rules), I wrote a line that could easily be construed as a sexist dig at my protagonist’s wife, rather than the protagonist himself as I’d intended.

The Ugly
No real ugly. There never is, come to think of it. It makes me nervous, really. Not that I want to hear, “Jesus, your writing sucks.”

Actually, I do know what makes me nervous, but I’m probably not going to go into it here. At least not now.

Okay, I got a backlog of posts and post ideas going back a week or so. Here’s where I try to get to them.

Last week, I workshopped a flash piece for the crit group, formerly titled “NIGYSOB,” one of the Games People Play in the book written by Eric Berne. It’s been a week, so I’m trying to recall the context of the notes I made.

The Good

• Good characterization.
• Nice twist at the end.
• It was apparently the right length (Just over 1,000 words. I’ve edited it down to about 920, though I have the sense that it might’ve been too much).

The Bad

• The parentage of one of the characters was too ambiguous for most–especially when I intended absolutely none.
• The escalation of the conflict felt rushed.
• Some disagreement over whether or not I left enough clues to the “punch line.” Everyone felt I didn’t, but some liked it that way.

The Ugly

No real ugliness, this time around.

I joked about how I wrote and brought a finished flash piece when I’d started two longer-length shorts which I haven’t finished. Well, now I’ve got two pieces to finish and two to edit. I think I’ve got a legit excuse for not bringing something to read next week–I should be editing!

Sorry this is long overdue. Stuff to do, sick at work, writing to do, etc. But, I’ll go ahead and talk about the responses to the portion of “Masked” that I’ve read for group, about 10 pages just before the ending.

The Good

• The group saw a good crescendo in the tension I was trying to build.
• People liked the dialogue. It seemed realistic, they said. Script-like with tons of subtext. The way two brothers would talk to each other.
• Someone commented on certain “little touches” I’ve added, descriptions about what my characters did while talking. (Hey, it’s not for nothing that I read all that Carver, Beattie, and Hempel.)

The Bad

• I had a scene where the protagonist was listening to one side of a telephone conversation. For one, the conversation was probably too long, since some of the stuff in the conversation was repeated in a subsequent conversation. I got lots of useful suggestions on how to shorten the conversation.
• A comment was made about the unclear relationship between the protagonist and another character–although I think any confusion would be cleared up if the story was read in toto.
• I could’ve written a certain flashback scene a little better.
• Some plot points I included in the back end of the story would probably better off in the beginning.

The Ugly
Okay, maybe these parts weren’t “ugly,” but I felt these comments needed special attention. I haven’t quite figured out exactly how to incorporate these particular changes yet.

• Someone commented about a scene that takes place in the outdoors. Granted, I didn’t read a section that might have fleshed out a description of the outdoors, but I’ve thought lately to just how much trouble I have writing descriptions. (Call it a consequence of reading all that Carver, Beattie, and Hempel.)
• Okay, so the story involves an unseen enemy. I thought I could refer to it as such, trying not to resort to stuff like, The Unseen Evil That Must Not Be Named. Now, no one suggested for a minute I do that. But, I could really use some sort of consistent tag to use throughout the story.

Well, I sent the whole 29-page beast to five folks in my writing group. I’ve heard back from one and I’ve got four to go. Then, I’ll edit, then I’ll send it out. Hopefully, this’ll be one I get paid for!

I went to Sunday’s crit group session ready to read, but only if I couldn’t avoid it. It turns out that I did manage to avoid it, which was just as well. Basically, I finished up “version 0.9” of “Masked,” but the only part that was presentable was the ending, which I didn’t want to give away.

And I finished up solely with the help of my AlphaSmart. Yes, I’ve handed over cash, so this thing is officially mine. And, worth every penny! Each and every day, I’ve generated a minimum of 500 words per session–the pulling teeth, “I really don’t feel like doing this shit,” taking my muse by the neck and wringing it like a wet towel minimum. The average has really been more along the lines of 750 words of draft and edits, not just on “Masked,” but on other projects as well, including a Raketenwerfer piece I should really get to finishing.

And since I also scored a copy of the Get It utility, I crammed the portions I needed to edit back into the AS3K, and now “Masked” is done! In the can, as they say. I printed out a clean, new copy and let it cool for a day. I’m not even going to read it.

The next project is on the sidebar. But, like I said, I’m taking a little break to get back to some reading, and maybe a bit of blogging.